I hated growing up in Howard County Maryland, and I still hate it

Mom raised me never to say the word hate. But after lab testing words like "loathe", "detest," "abhor"... "hate" is the most precise, respectfully.

tl;dr there is a lack of accessible third places where I grew up that makes life absolutely suffocating

Let me get the subjective points out of the way because, at the core, that is what colors my entire view. I had a very happy childhood in Cockeysville but our family moved to Woodstock next to Ellicott City when I was in middle school. The Baltimore suburbs were both "more suburban" (lots of forests) and lower-middle class than the area we moved into, but I felt so much loss when we moved. My parents, to their credit, were not helicopter parents and left us to figure out what to do, but this probably wasn't the right parenting style for the challenges I would have.

Objective point 1: incentives to live in isolated areas

We moved into a McMansion Lite single family, a decision that singlehandedly made me swear never to buy single family in my lifetime. It wasn't even that bad cuz right outside the subdivision were sidewalks that took you to...idk, friends, Waverly commerce, playgrou- aha! There are literally no playgrounds to walk to unless you're half a mile from the elementary school. This is a planning choice and one that has surprising cascading effects you only realize after you've moved to communities that have the amenity (more kids, more family socializing, more walking, etc.)

Howard County does have places with those amenities, ie., Columbia Association. Except! People who live there would rather be in the more prestigious school districts if they had the choice. CA has very nice amenities: trails to walk anywhere, access to Blandair, Lake Elkhorn, Lakefront, heck lakes everywhere!

But the "desirable" districts are like Clarksville and Marriottsville which are in Bumbleheck™ Nowhere. Back in the day the fastest way to get to my school friends would be to bike on MD-99. I consider myself a trendsetter because many people do this now, but back in 2003 when I did it I was the only one, and my mom was rationally incredibly terrified. People have bad incidents and there are no sidewalks at all. So in actuality, I spent the majority of my middle school hours depressed in front of the computer with the unfettered Internet.

Objective point 2: overrated

"HCPL voted 5-star library system"

"Wallethub's top livable community"

"Progressive ideals"

"Cultural landmarks for diversity and history"

"Best schools in Maryland"

I actually don't have a problem with the last assertion: by all accounts the school programs are great (barring recent transportation issues). But let's go through the others.

HCPL should be ashamed. I'm not even talking about the proposed thing next to Whole Foods. Spring Break just passed and during that week, HCPL cancelled and renegged all events. Not a single thing for kids or community members to do that week. MCPL in contrast on any given day had 50-some odd events across the system. There's a likely reason: the staff takes a spring break to coincide with the school schedule. But that just reveals how little robustness there is in the system. The library should provide for the most vulnerable in the community whose families can't afford nice spring break programs. Utter failure.

Oh and before pointing to HoCo rec as the alternative, you pay out the nose for membership. MoCo rec is free with better facilities (but this is punching down).

Livable. Progressive. Anecdote: I was shocked when we had coed physical education in middle school. In Baltimore, I'll just say it, we had real physical education. Boys did pushups regularly. There were wrestling units. Weight lifting. Gymnastics. I just didn't think I could handle the pretentiousness of coed archery and wiffleball when I landed in Howard County, I just wasn't ready. Yes, gender distinction is a pretty sensitive topic now but the need for boys to be challenged...I felt was a miss.

The progressivism seems like such a hypocritical veneer when the slogan at the time was "Choose Civility." Such a dog whistle. Howard County is decidedly upward middle class or adjacent. If you don't own a car you don't have an existence.

In terms of culture and landmarks, the literal landmark in our district was the snowball stand. I just .... please just go visit a real mixed use lot and then come talk to me.

There was an attempt to put on an "Asian Night Market" event at the Fairgrounds and it was so awful it was on every news outlet: people stuck on Interstate 70 for hours, and vendors not prepared to distribution. There is clearly demand for the bored masses to want to have fun things but the infrastructure isn't there to support it.

Here are what the county thinks are the culture areas: downtown EC and lakefront. Historic EC... could be so much better!! There is so little room for people to congregate and yet the cars cut through endangering anyone who might want to space out. I'd rather hang out in Kentlands (whose road network is decidedly tempered) during a hurricane than suffer through downtown EC on a perfect day.

Oh and let's talk about lakefront. Recall my BS-meter raging when the society only endorses its version of progressivism or diversity. It seems like the county actively wants to punch young people in the dick: you're not allowed to dance at the lakefront, and you're not allowed to be at the mall after 6 without an adult.

The lakefront is so lamentably sad now, which I'll explain in another point below.

Objective point 3: Route 40 is the ugliest ugly to ever ugly on this side of ugly

And recently designated a new cultural landmark!

Route 40 deserves its own hate section. It's possible most locals would agree with the statement that the Route 40 corridor is the heart and soul of Ellicott City.

And yet if you told a naive tourist that and dropped them there, what reaction would you expect? I think you'd get a resounding "double you tee eff."

what's the difference?

This is just such a perfect specimen of American commercial sprawl, way too perfect <🤌chef's kiss>. This area espouses what creed? "To be here, you must consume."

Where do you hang out? Like where can you kick it with friends? When I hung out with bethel kids it was in front of McD or Checkers, which were fun and affordable, but overall it did seem like in order to socialize you need to spend money, consume, and drive. I'm being completely serious when I unironically think the best third place option is the center with Sprouts Market. There's sidewalks you can walk between smoothie, gamestop, wingstop, and some chipotle.

You may have thought, "Oh! Not the center with Honeypig and trendy Cafe June?" Well to get between those places you need to first get run over by 3 minor arterials, and yea none of these businesses (even Roggenart) bother with outdoor seating cuz....... freaking Route 40.

Objective point 4: things have gotten worse

I'm lying, things have gotten so much better since I've been a kid. So many more fun places to eat and hang out.

But some bulwarks of why Howard County is "worth it" are starting to shake. Buses are failing to pick up kids so kids end up missing school. What? Turf Valley home invasion and kids mugged at Waverly pool in broad daylight. Excuse me? What's even the point of living in this desolate suburb then if we dealing with "city" problems 🤣🤣

The lakefront is a shell of what it was and can be. This past Sunday was the most amazing weather and... absolutely no one was at the lakefront. The "coolest" thing there is Whole Foods where the whole point is to get in and out with your food. The pub on the corner has no outdoor seating. No one patronizing any of the (checks notes) four businesses. I won't explicitly punch down with the infinite examples of peer counties proactively stimulating cultural life, but I've already ranted in the above points about how everything reeks of proactive suppression of life and frankly NIMBYism of folks probably just not allowing more business and development.

In conclusion

Please do not read "Howard county is the worst." It is not. It is a very decent place to live. Which just speaks to American standards of living tbh. This is squarely a personal write-up of why I hate Howard County. Over the years I got NUMTOTed to high heaven and finally have the vocabulary to identify the childhood dissonance.

My happiest memories are here. Would I have gotten into bboying without the boredom? Would I have become a Christian without the quirky friends and desolation? Would I have crumbled in the face of crazier competition of high-achieving Chinese kids in Montgomery County? How much of the neurosis is simply a function of my family culture regardless of where I lived? Did the gentle and stable environment allow me to ultimately thrive and succeed? The answer to these counterfactuals could fall on either side.