Is it maturation

or is it jadedness? I suppose I’m better than where I was this day last year, or even where I was four weeks ago. It’s just that I undeniably feel I have nothing to give to people.

From all outside appearances, however, I am better able to serve. This most clearly shows in the interactions with family and new communities. Perhaps this was the kenosis, or “emptying,” Paul wrote about in Philippians 2:7; self-forgetfulness is the preeminent Christian virtue. So to qualify the earlier statement, I’ve realized there’s nothing in me worth giving. Only Christ.

And I do hope Christ fills the residual emptiness. Christian hope, far from vapid and uncertain, rests in the victory already given.