NY 2 Shanghai

Anyone listen to Drunken Tiger?

• Went over the freakin' ice caps (so yea, Dawei, the outside of the window did look like this). New venture idea: pit stops on the arctic so passengers each collect a polar bear cub.

• Because Jesus is hilarious, I sat next to some missionaries from southern Mizzorra. Corey, the guy next to me, gave himself away when he whipped out John Piper's Think. We talked about everything from the Desiring God conference to competing to see who will make CCTV first as a result of open-air preaching.

• Buses and trains all got WiFi.

• Can't believe I'm here!

Woops.

Someone is on the fence about Christianity and comes to me to get their questions answered. I answer as best as I can.

How do I not feel guilty if after that conversation they stop coming out to events?

Am I at fault?

Rebuke is awesome.

Was told yesterday that I had a bad relationship with God.

Was told today that I was a hypocrite.

Haven’t felt this loved in awhile :D

Assumptions

I hate christians.
self-righteous, self-serving.
unloving, uncaring.
jains, buddhists, democrats
follow jesus better than
christians.

wouldn’t you say so?
why be a
christian?

my life’s ok without god i guess.

my life as a
constant liar, exaggerator, and complainer
to get people to sympathize with me,
abuser of my sister
hitting her to the point where her forehead bleeds,
curser of my parents
running away multiple times and
dropping f-bombs so the whole neighborhood can hear,
bitter loner even after
getting invited to cool parties
acquiring 1000+ “friends” and
having any girl i liked like me back.

i guess i could live with that.
actually.
no.
it could be better.
i’m f—-ed up.
i deserve punishment.
but you’re telling me that means hell.
i’m pretty f—-ed if that’s true.

jesus helps, you say?
he’s inside of me?
he wants what’s best for me?
he’s the reason i’m even alive?
he loves me?
he forgives me?
what do i have to do?
nothing?
just say sorry and believe?

hm.
ok.

Cross-ation mania!

The cross gives mediation, condemnation, propitiation, imputation, expiation, sanctification, justification, and reconciliation to the nations.

I’m sure the Apostle Paul is smh @all the words we’ve come up with to describe God’s love.

Is there power in your Ephesians 2:8?

Half-gospel: Jesus paid for all our sins. We’re now at a zero-sum balance. Enter: confusion, humiliation, and hopelessness from consistent, ever-present sin.

Full-gospel: Jesus paid for all our sins. But he didn’t just pay for sins then ditch us. He dwells in us. We are right with God because he sees Jesus in us. Our account balance is not $0.00. We’re rich. In fact, we’re baller (Ephesians 3:16-19).

We were once unable to not sin.

But now we are able to resist sin.

ISN’T THAT INSANE?

Milk the power of the spirit for all its worth! Lest realize you weren’t really saved at all (Hebrews 10:26).

Which gospel will you preach?

Spirit-lead

Holy week’s coming up. I’m praying a couple things for the Spirit to execute, as He has faithfully been doing since days of old.

• Giving order and peace over messiness (Genesis 1:2)
• Vision for what He wants to done in my life and others (Genesis 41:38)
• Skill to finish ridiculous projects (Exodus 31:3)
• Power to kill the enemy of sin (Judges 3:10)
• My tongue to faithfully pronounce His words (1 Samuel 19:20)
• Reach out to people for outreach event (Micah 3:8)
• Cleansing for my soul in the case of inevitable sin (Ezekiel 36:25-29)

Jesus - the de-motivational speaker

How do you cheer up a Christian who's not happy? Do you do some spiritual life-coaching for sin management? Practical advice in hopes it will deliver them from pain?

Ever thought of saying, "Come to the cross and die"? Any other spiritual pick-me-up is reduced to glorifying a specific person or event, whether it be the sin or recovery.

Peter didn't like it when Jesus was talking about gloomy stuff, because being associated with a crucified criminal isn't very motivating. Jesus says to "Get behind me, Satan!" God treats his glory very seriously, and it isn't accomplished by having a positive attitude but by death and resurrection. Not "you can do it!" but "God has done it!"

Obviously people will initially resist the message, and you the messenger. That's the sound of oneself beginning to loosen their hold on sin, its minimizing and excuses for it. That's called redemption.

A look into the text messages of Joseph Choi

[11:51:00AM]There are korean people all over the cafeteria…and some of them have hi-tops on, think i’m gonna be sick…

[12:14:43PM]I’ve never seen so many blond/red haired asian men in one room, if a single one is a bboy i will never speak speak another word of korean again…

[1:40:13PM]Affirmative alpha raccoon leader will update on proceedings asapwee

[1:56:44PM]Dang man, when trains are this late, i start thinking about my feelings and how lonely i am, and how i long for human companionship and how i’m misunderstood

[2:27:28PM]Have boarded train to philly racoon leader, house men spotted feeding off the purity of young male, swat team notified

[11:10:43PM]Duuude, njtransit is retarded…i’m stuck at the scariest train stop i’ve ever seen

[11:17:36PM]I’m literally scared for my life, could you try to find out when the next train to trenton is from north philadelphia?

[4:45:59PM]Dude, there’s a couple holding hands in front of me, now i feel so lonely T_T

"You Are In Danger"

You can't get any more clear than that.

Christ the creator

The Savior hanging on the cross also upholds the cross on which which he hangs (Colossians 1:16-20).

Let that sink in.

Now worship.

common grace

When I look back as to how I first became Christian - “Christian” not in the sense of enacting a legitimate repentant lifestyle, but at least the beginnings of a faith journey - I am encouraged by Scripture attesting to its validity. Simply put, I was struck by my ugliness after hearing the Law, then struck by his kindness and blessings throughout my life (Acts 14:17) and could not help but give praise to God (Romans 2:4).

And isn’t this how a lot of people start out? This is why God does not extinguish the entire earth now in its incredible corruption! He delays wrath, shows grace and pleads for people to come to him!!

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)

As I live, declares the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live (Ezekiel 33:11)

God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. (1 Timothy 2:3-4)

irony

If you think members of Christ’s church are really boring, the problem is probably you and not them.

Conviction that the spirit struck me with today. Been spending time with more nonchristians lately in trying to get more excited about things; then I read James 4:4.

Note: not saying don’t be friends with nonchristians - I pray neo-Calvinistically that Christians would stop being in a bubble!!!

cage stage

| noun | demonstrating wild and possibly deranged excitement over the seventeenth century pronouncements of the Synod of the Canons of Dordt in the Netherlands. These pronouncements are often referred to as the five points of Calvinism and, once a person becomes convinced that these five points are true, he or she enters the dreaded “cage stage.” The novice Calvinist is considered “armed and dangerous” during this period, which has been known to extend to six months, but in more serious cases can last up to ten years or longer.

Symptoms include: high fever that results in delirious incoherence of thought and speech; vomiting spasms brought on when anyone mentions “free will” or “asking Jesus into their heart” or the dreaded philosophy of Jacob Arminius; restlessness, especially during church services, when the sufferer goes more than an hour without hearing the TULIP’s five bells ringing in their ears; and diahrrea of the mouth, where uncontrollable spasms of verbal nonsense put everyone within earshot at risk.

The recommended treatment is complete isolation, restriction of movement and speech, until the symptoms pass. Unfortunately, this treatment is rarely sought by the afflicted person, so family and friends are often left to suffer silently. The only person who can reach the cage stage victim is a more experienced Calvinist, because the victim’s state of mind does not permit trust in any others. Please DO NOT attempt intervention without consulting an expert.

now the trick is not becoming cage-staged in anti-cage-staging.

Doubt is different than unbelief

This fact blew my mind, and it was a treat to hear it from CJ Mahaney this morning.

What is the difference? Unbelief is complete defiance and rejection of the fundamental relationship between someone and their savior, Jesus, whereas doubt is uncertainty in God’s purposes or promises. It is sinful and serious, but not a betrayal of the faith.

Thus, Jude 22-23 calls us to reach out to those brothers and sisters hurting and doubting God’s goodness, instead of reproaching them outright. CJ Mahaney put on quite a spectacle when delivering the gospel, emphatically exhorting how recieving mercy leads us to be merciful. Very reformed.

So the question becomes “How can I help?” instead of “How could you??” Listed below are some different forms of doubt surfacing as a result of externals (from Os Guinness’ God in the Dark):

• Doubt from ingratitude
• Doubt from a faulty view of God
• Doubt from weak foundations
• Doubt from lack of commitment
• Doubt from a lack of growth
• Doubt from unruly emotions
• Doubt from hidden conflicts

I’ve recently been struggling with doubt when I look at my lack of growth and passion this semester, which I owe to the fact of certain project-intensive classes. However, this is of course a heart issue. Now I remember the Lord loves (v.1) and keeps (v.24) me…and I no longer have to hide my doubts from the community, but rather, desperately seek prayer for them.

Charles Spurgeon had a quote saying that doubt testifies to the presence of belief, akin to when Driscoll comforted his audience when talking about election and affirming that “if you’re worried whether you’re elect or not, that probably means you’re part of the elect.” I’m not sure if these guys are depicting God’s grace rightfully or not, but I’ll give God the benefit of the doubt.

Stumbling block

On one hand you do super-practical things like work on projects for third-world countries and secure a job for the summer. On the other, you do useless things like pray, read Bible, and dance.

I don’t get it, there’s no middle ground with you.

- Mom

Mercy triumphs over judgment, because mercy comes through judgment.

Agree or disagree?

Context is James 2:13. I think the original quote refers judgment in the first clause as wrath, and in the second it refers to Calvary. Semantics.

I like books that are secretly calvinist

In our frenetic free-for-all in nabbing as many books as possible, Moses suggested A Vision for Missions by Tom Wells for reading. Like me, a first glance at the cover causes one to think, "You serious? This looks so cheesy."

In actuality, this book is startling me in its theological richness (and practicality!) Each page screams to me soli Deo gloria. Two theses are presented for the heart of a missionary (read: Christian) -

• God is worthy to be known and proclaimed for who he is. This is the motive and message of missions.
• Those who know the most about God are the most responsible and best equipped to tell of Him.

William Carey's emphasis on prayer before doing anything also spoke to me as our fellowship is preparing for our outreach event at the end of the month.

This shows us what sort of workers are needed. Those who know the most about God...A first qualification is belief in prayer. If our attitude is, 'Let us get to work at once!', we are suspect. The man who knows the greatness and glory of God cannot say that first.
....
You can do more than pray after you have prayed; but you cannot do more than pray until you have prayed!

There is a correlation between knowing God and submitting to His sovereignty. A more sovereign God = more powerful prayers!

Misconceptions about community

Community is not:

• a place where people must know everything about me
  @misguided attempts at deep friendships in MRHS
  
  
• finally accomplished when there's a potluck
  @many a college fellowship event
  
  
• a place to lose your mind
  @Bethel youth group
  
  
• an avenue to control people's lives (Matthew 11:9)
  @small group leading
  
  
• optional (Proverbs 18:1)
  @people overwhelmed by other events during school

In the past couple days, Dr. Eric Mason shared many interesting truths on gospel community as it relates to urban ministry, and these misconceptions have all struck a chord with me on some level. By thinking these things, I reduce the extent of transformational gospel love and grace.

God's grace by forming His community effectively shatters the dreams and ambitions of the individual members. No longer do we juggle our lives and community separately, but only for its edification do we execute any decision in our lives.

The cherished promise? Christ will enable his church to be a well-oiled Voltron machine (Romans 12:5, Revelation 3:21).

Spiritual growth

Currently reading through a book titled The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg. Before being alarmed at how dangerously self-help the title sounds, the scriptural basis is founded on the fallen nature of man and how our deep spiritual need and desire is to be connected again to God.

Ok? Now that that’s out of the way, I would like to share some convictions. I was encouraged by the author affirming that spiritual growth is not measured by commitment to spiritual disciplines, but in the end, measured by increased love in God and people (which then should dictate the former).

Good probing questions, aka heart-gauges:

• Am I spiritually inauthentic? (Matthew 23:25)
• Am I becoming judgmental/exclusive/proud? (Matthew 23:6)
• Am I becoming less approachable? (Matthew 23:7)
• Am I growing weary of pursuing spiritual growth? (Matthew 23:4)

With all the trappings of Rick Warren pragmatism, the thing I would add to this work is an emphasis on Christ sufficiency. If you have the book, I’m the dude on p.184-185.

As Ortberg writes, preserving my spiritual life is the same as preserving my life. Read: spiritual as an adjective relates to the Spirit and nothing else (no mysticism or abstract higher thinking), so yes, I should always check if I am [S]piritual in that I am always submissive to Christ (John 16:14, Romans 8:9).

fabric softener for the heart

Along Spruce St, I see homeless people with roses.

not selling them, just carrying them around. that means a) someone randomly decided to give them a rose, or b) they are planning to give a rose to someone.

either case makes my heart sing.

Why preach the gospel?

So conversations don’t end up like the following:

A: How are you doing spiritually?
B: *pause* Not well.
A: Wsup?
B: Not really doing QTs and praying to God. Been busy.
A: Ok. I’ll pray for you.
B: Yea cool thanks. Wanna see my new iPhone app?

(DA Carson:) D-D-Do you see? The sheer banality of seeing your relationship with God based on performance (and if your Google calendar allows) instead of His grace.

How do I perform well enough to say I’m doing OK spiritually? What’s my pathetic metric? It’s the equivalent of asking “when is God faithful” because it surely isn’t everlasting!

“I’m not doing well spiritually” is like saying “I am less worthy of blessing in these bad times so I’m just waiting for God to deal me punishment…eventually. For now, I’ll fake guiltiness to church people, pay lip service promises, and God will have sympathy.”

Perverted! This “I’ll try harder” mindset. Success in the Christian life is not up to you! Christ’s infinite merit is the substance of the relationship between you and God. and that is very
very
very
freeing.
Now go and make commitments without burdens hanging over your head if you are indeed free.

And that is the gospel.

Jerry Bridges posed most of these challenges and I’m just letting you guys know.

grace through His life

Tullian Tchividjian recently made an interesting remark gently reminding followers of Kevin DeYoung that being "Christ-centered" does not mean that the death of Christ is more important than the life of Christ. Without the law fulfilled in His life, what righteousness is there to impute?

I think that's a rebuke for me as well, since I easily and readily cast down Christ-imitators that I judge to have no foundation. In thinking only Christ's death matters, I see how this practically plays out in my life...a lot of self-righteousness & lazy fruit. At the same time, without the cross we're in no position to imitate Christ (1 Corinthians 15:19). I need a balance. I need to live out the entire Gospel, not driven by half of it.

Christ himself is the center of all things!

Tumblr page, net difference = 0

http://williszhang.tumblr.com/

Tumblr has its charm in using a "feed" interface like Twitter and Facebook. And that's probably the only difference.

I figured out how to import my Blogger posts to Tumblr: download the two PHP scripts from this site and use ZZEE PHP GUI to run the first file. Fill out the forms and then the entries are miraculously imported.

Yue-Kee's-induced insomnia

Going through a spiritual attack atm so I'm trying to find all sorts of reminders of the gospel. Ed has written a very nice piece just for that. May not in word or deed or prayer I find my rest but in God alone.

Kevin DeYoung also wrote a pretty crazy article on the following:

Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure- not to put it too severely- to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. (2 Corinthians 2:5-7)

Church, can you both discipline and forgive? Without discipline, the church is a bastardized social club. Without forgiveness, the church is lost and does not know Jesus. Let us not impose both no standards and impossible standards.

"The true Christian will not pit grace against truth, love against faithfulness, discipline against forgiveness, unity against purity."

Aint that somethin'?

a hurting Pharisee

Heavenly Father,

Seriously, why is truth so important to me?

Is it that bad to preach a self-esteem gospel?

Is it that bad to not preach the power of the cross?

Is it that bad to read material cited from the Emergent church?

Is it that bad to sponsor pragmatism as a means for church growth?

Is it that bad to be a teacher and associate with heretics?

Is it that bad to emphasize experience over your word?

Yes, right!?

They speak of your faithfulness to the great congregation but it is not of your standard. Am I referring to a standard of my flesh or your holy standard? Only you know.

O LORD, I go absolutely nuts when I see friends being influenced. Is this righteous anger or envious frustration from not being able to bless others like these "heretics" do?

O LORD, I seek to do your will. It is by the spirit of God that I wish to cast out demons, that I wish bring your truth renown in order for your kingdom to come upon us. But how can I do good if I am evil? Only through you I hope to bear good fruit.

O LORD, I know not which way is yours and which way is destruction. I easily see myself being a creator of this site. Woe to me if it comes to that! Help me not delight in sin but in its defeat. Do not restrain your mercy from me, glorify yourself by stuffing me with your steadfast love. May I see my neighbors as greater than myself.

O LORD, I'm scared. I do not want anymore broken and strained relationships in my efforts to proclaim your truth, but if it is your will may it be done. I do not wish pride to overtake me and I do not wish to be justified through myself. Sin, what an enemy! I know I will give an account for every careless word I speak. Therefore without Christ, I am condemned.

My delight is in you. Your wisdom, your law, your everything. Fill me with more of you!

In Christ's name, amen.

Jesus doesn't love everybody the same way

Title taken from a Desiring God sermon clip.

If you went to OIL, then you got a hold of Dr. Carson's Scandalous. In it he argues against the notion that God was so favorable, so loving to the world that if only people weren't sinful they could enjoy fellowship with Him. He argues against Jesus' work merely serving as a cancellation of sin, which implies an impersonal wrath poured on people. But of course, His wrath is very personal for He is a jealous God and all sin wholly goes against Him.

These issues are all very interesting, with my friend Ed wishing the following questions to be answered by Dr. Carson: Could you clarify how God loves sinners apart from Christ? Does He love them when He sends them to hell? The questions never got to the panel.

So in light of Dr. Carson's book and some references my friend Sam pointed me to, I do think there is a satisfying answer within Reformed theology.

• First, God definitely hates sin but He also hates sinners, the ones apart from Christ. He hated Esau (Malachi 1:3). Or shall we say He sovereignly did not choose Esau to join in fellowship with Him? The word hate and love seem to come at odds with love's divine embodiment (1 John 4:8). However, it is clear that God hates the reprobate and endures their eternal disobedience (Psalm 139:22, Romans 9:22). To the most Holy, endure is an appropriate word.
• God doesn't need to love anyone. The characteristic of love is not dependent on loving us. Triune community. So we all deserve His wrath (Amos 3:2, Romans 3:23). Done.
• God graciously shows love through His elect. God only loves His elect (read Ephesians...). Jesus only intercedes for the elect (John 17:9). This glorifies Him by highlighting the magnitude of grace to those saved solely by grace.

Maybe it's just more correct to make the title of this entry "Jesus doesn't love everybody." This makes me want to evangelize hard. And repent just as fervently. May these be the reactions to all who remind themselves of these truths.

❤

"Someone's love means absolutely nothing to you unless it is directed exclusively and committedly at you." - by some Brit, Michael Ramsden.

If the spirit of Christ enables, I would like to increase my capacity to love people with this tagged qualification. A love that chases. A love that is highly inefficient...but what worthwhile things ever are?

Gospel on steroids

I really abuse this phrase :]

Quickly, some convictions from OIL:

1) Continued discouragement in the midst of repentance is not victory in Christ! If I'm still sad after repenting, I am making the statement that Christ is not enough for me.

2) God, in His wisdom, placed two irksome guys in my winter break walk so that my capacity to love would increase. I love these guys, and that statement is not of my flesh.

3) Wisdom ascertained from dumb past relationships was actually useful in somewhat guiding an underclassman in this field of study. That's twice now for two people.

4) Heart softened to failures of different pastors. Using my experience to warn fellow brothers of legalism and unlove that comes with self justification.

Alright next semester, bring it!!

Ministry of the pew

Winter break concludes with the OIL conference starting Wednesday, which means that break is effectively over by the end of tomorrow. It's been blessing in that time has been (with occasional contest) God-centered, deliberate, missional, and therefore, not wasted as per the norm. What has helped is the above chart taken from The Trellis and the Vine. Blue shows activities I usually reserve for on-campus settings and red shows what efforts have been expended here at home.

This evaluation has shed some light. I am convicted by my fear of man, where I'm afraid to be more missional at Penn for the sake of maintaining a professional, smooth socio-/academic network. Atm, God is smaller than people and career. So a couple of changes are in order. I need a Exodus 34:29 face and start grafting the vine as I have been grafted.

This work could start in Renewal, where time in the cold basement - fellowship - could be spent with more word-sharing. I don't care if it's awkward. It could move to campus, where with secular friends I embark on (woah!) word-sharing. I don't care if it's awkward. If you're a non-believing friend of mine still reading this blog (heh, though doubtful after all the Jesus-talk here recently), please bring up Jesus in conversation!

The book of Acts isn't about church growth. It's about gospel growth and word increase (Acts 10:44, Colossians 1:5-6).

you have no needs

Jesus did not die to increase our self-esteem. Rather, Jesus died to bring glory to the Father by redeeming people from the curse of sin... To look to Christ to meet our perceived psychological needs is to Christianize our lusts. We are asking God to give us what we want, so we can feel better about ourselves, or so we can have more happiness, no holiness, in our lives.

- Chapter 8 of When People are Big and God is Small

Have you recently felt underappreciated by those you serve? Or felt like a martyr as a byproduct of your selflessness? Woops. You need to go fear God, look to Christ then be delivered from the destructive weight of your ever-present sin. That is the blunt message of this enjoyable book. Pretty awesome, yea? It tears apart the notion that humans have psychological needs to feel happy or have good relationships. Isn't that why Eve came about? Nay.

There are only two lives. A life of worship or a life of a wretched worm. Real talk.

When my pride won't call it quits

I've quoted 2 Chronicles 16:9 before in this blog. Time to emphasize the "support" part. It's slowly dawning on me that God is not looking for people to work for Him so much as He is looking for people who will let Him work for them. Feeling the rebuke of Psalm 106:13 maybe? The gospel is not a help-wanted ad, instead commanding us to give up and hang out our own help-wanted signs.

Prayer! Prayer is the antidote for the disease of self-confidence, which opposes God getting the glory. He gets glory by working for those who wait for Him. He will not surrender the glory of being the Giver.

Christian hedonism sounds like unsound doctrine

Love - the labor of Christian hedonism

Q: @ 1 Corinthians 13:5 - Does love seek its own?

A: The pursuit of pleasure is an essential motive for every good deed. (1 Corinthians 13:6, 1 Thessalonians 2:20, Jeremiah 9:24)

Q: Is sacrificing the same thing as love?

A: No. (Hebrews 12:2, 2 Corinthians 9:7)

Q: How are love and grace connected?

A: Love is a work of divine grace. It is fueled by grace. It is hungry for grace to flow through me to others. (2 Corinthians 8:1)

Q: How are love and joy connected?

A: Love is the overflow of joy in God that meets the needs of others. (2 Corinthians 8:3-4)

Q: Is it important to make others happy?

A: Love is finding your joy in the joy of another. (2 Corinthians 2:2)

Q: Is there a place for sadness in loving?

A: Love weeps. Love results in dissatisfied contentment out of a constant hunger for more of God's grace. (2 Corinthians 2:4)

Biblical justice, a servant's takeaway

Felt pretty wrecked again after service. Utter rebuke-anation!!

As P. Dwight noted, people oftentimes overlook Joseph's reaction to God's plan in bringing about Jesus through Mary's virgin birth. I had no idea that when Joseph "considered" whether to drop the marriage, the word connotes "angrily deliberated" (Matthew 1:19-20). And given the Law of Moses, he had good reason to be angry. But we see that he submits without a word (Matthew 1:24).

In the end, Joseph commits social suicide by marrying a supposed-adulterer and saving her from certain death-by-stoning. Omgosh another protoevangelical of Jesus ftw7H1212cr42Y! Two traits of Joseph that stand out? Justice ("being a just man") and grace ("unwilling to put her to shame"). For the sinner, mercy trumps justice.

Obviously, one point of the message was to emulate Joseph, and essentially emulate Jesus, but I love how our messages always emphasize the "how." How can one be compassionate and also inveigh a "delight to do Your will, O my God; Your Law is within my heart (Psalm 40:8)?"

**WORSHIP CHRIST**

Look at Him, eat of Him, drink His living water, be crucified with Him. A feast of worship is rare in a land where there is a famine of the Word of God, as John Piper would put it (Amos 8:11-12). What was most important was P. Dwight drawing a clear distinction between having Him abide in you and having doctrine abide in you. Point for point, I was being undone. My sense of justice was retributive. It demanded equal application of the consequences.

No, says the Bible! Once P. Dwight started admonishing Reformed Presbyterian circles for misinterpreting justice, I started laughing out loud at the ridiculous relevancy of it all. How many times I have let knowledge, though correct and righteous, get in the way of showing compassion and empathy. I'd much rather smear people than to show the grace I quickly sing when my transgressions are many.

Jesus, thank you for taking away my shame - joyfully (Hebrews 12:2) - rather than rubbing it in my face. Isaiah 42:3 indicates your saving power that goes beyond clearing my record but completely adopting me into you. It's your tremendous power to execute justice by executing yourself that allows me to depend on you constantly.

OK, these statements betray real emotions. You're my all, You're the best, You're my joy, my righteousness, and I love You, Lord.

Discernment: wisdom or pride tank?

So. The more theology I read, the more I realize that some things Christians teach one another just aren't right. And more often than not, I have a knee-jerk reaction.

Does this look like the picture of unification in Christ's body?

A couple of lessons I've learned:

• If you are not spiritually accountable to the person (they're in another church, small group), it may not be your place to correct them. How should you show you actually care about the person and not yourself? Crucify yourself and ask the person's spiritual authority to step in.
  
  For the person above, the mediator between us is an encouraging friend, Alicia.
  
• Be vulnerable. Acknowledge your faults and show you must rely on Jesus to believe what you believe.
  
• Say your piece, give it to God, then move on. Give the rest of the time solely to listening and loving. God changes hearts, not you.
  
• Knowing Jesus will return and bring all believers to live forever with Him, there's sometimes little reason to admonish friends on the little details (1 John 3:2). It's a whole 'nother story with preachers (2 Peter 2:1-2).

Help me in learning to pray for others first, that they may love Jesus and meditate on the Law just as He did. Flee from false doctrine, but better take some friends with you along the way! :)

Consecrated wholly. but by grace?

1) "Sometimes you gotta stop reflecting on God's character and just go serve!"
2) "I know God left the Bible here as a guide for us, but I tell you the Son is THE FINAL WORD on matters. And doesn't Jesus live in us? Stop looking at the Bible and look at fellow saints here and now."
.........blahhhhh

Past 12 hours --> discussions with two Arminians. My electrical engineering curriculum gets perpetually less exciting with each theological challenge.

God has a wonderful plan for Arminians, and specifically, He puts them in my life so that the doctrine of total depravity becomes that much realer. I can make all the hints I want about irresistable grace and Christ sufficiency, but in the end there might be something to be said when the other guys are evangelizing hard while I keep waiting for instead of seeking opportunities (though let's not get into the issue of ratio between true-to-false converts).

Indeed how, like them, my sinful flesh suppresses the magnificence of fellowship in, with, and through Christ, supressing the potential of my becoming a kingdom tool. Arminians can be unwitting workers of fleshly confidence, and so why am I letting them work harder than someone supposedly driven by the Gospel?

Repenting time, system reboot.
Philippians 3:3

What? YAM is evolving.

This past summer, as the dialogue on faith between me and my parents grew into normalcy, my mom gave an observation that particularly stung: "You've been to church for like 2 years but you're still the same person."

Granted, my mom probably meant I wasn't growing in a way that she would prefer, that is, into a less lazy son that worked with godlier ethic. But an observation is an observation. I could make all the excuses I wanted: I didn't want to act righteous so I wouldn't alienate my family, which would leave my mom antagonistic towards the Jesus figure that essentially took away her son. Being the same idiot around the house would be my way of witnessing, to say that being a Christian wouldn't entail some fake holier-than-thou lifestyle.

Thank God for my mom's honesty. Outside the home I would be a holy creature, but my parents would be left bereft of God's glory. And doesn't that speak volumes? If my true creature is revealed at home, the evidence points to --> I'm actually not being sanctified. "Shoot, am I saved?"

Good! This was the best [CHALLENGE] I've had since attempting to stop cussing after my baptism (aha gg). I knew the Lord's prayer...but I didn't know the Lord in the prayer; "hallowed be thy name" means granting God to fulfill in us a life - thoughts, words, and actions - that does not blaspheme His name. I knew justification by Christ...but I didn't know justification through Christ; being justified means my essence no longer sins, but that me sinning is me acting out of character (2 Corinthians 5:17).

What's different now?

Ignored consequences of sin --> grieving over sin (1 John 3:6-9).

Mock gospel and spirituality --> hope is in gospel and spirit (Romans 1:16).

Salvation can wait --> no greater hate than not sharing the Gospel.

Defeat by world's standards --> still struggling with this one, to be continued!

Colossians 3:1

Flesh worshipper

When I share my testimony, it's usually about the BYG Christmas service during my senior year. An event where I felt like I met God. Truth is, I probably wasn't saved until last semester - or at least when I was assured I was saved.

The year after my first church experience was a rollercoaster. Being identified as a Christian was something I could get behind because all my cool friends were also Christian. I took it seriously sometimes too; coming into Penn freshman year I had a 95 theses ready to combat the evils of evolutionary Inner Fishes. Pretty sure that stigmatized me as the preppy churchboy. In the mean time, my life was marked with constant fights with my family in addition to leaving two embittered pseudo-girlfriends in my wake. Is this the picture of 1 Thessalonians 5:24?

The question is: Did I love Christ? I really liked the worship songs that declared God faithful and loving and awesome, but all the songs and messages about Jesus' sacrifice I came to find... dull and offensive. Used to elegant theorems dictating universal truths, I could glean some faith in a powerful Creator that devised the Big Bang and brought forth the millions of solar masses and quasars chewing through each other for survival. But to make the story ugly and unclean by something as local as the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ was cringe-worthy. So unfulfilling, so undramatic, so anticlimactic.

I could have literally attended a synagogue or mosque those couple of years and my worship would not have been different. What was actually happening? I thought I was worshipping the LORD. but lo! I was bearing no fruit and living in sin. I was learning a bucketload of material on God's commands but I did not feel God's presence, and when I did it was His anger at my continual disobedience. My heart would be continually ridden with guilt and discouragement.

Fast-forward to Fall 2010 and you see a Willis that is, well, different. He knows Christ and obeys Him. He's not afraid to die for Christ, break up with his girlfriend for Christ, or drop out of school for Christ. What changed? The Spirit pointed me to things I once overlooked (John 16:13). My knowledge of the law no longer became a stumbling block, but rather was redeemed in coming to know grace in a fuller sense. Writing my "testimony" in preparation for baptism led me to reevaluate the origins of what caused my soul to stir that one BYG service: Ephesians 3:19 talks about whose love? Christ's. Christ is the lover of my soul!

Thank God Jesus acted so locally, so personally! Theocentricity without Christcentricity is judgement. Worshipping the LORD without praising Christ is worshipping one's own flesh, merely worshipping the potential happiness that this LORD could provide. Worship like this will lead to "dryness," and Christians should never be dry. If one is to worship in spirit and truth (John 4:23-24), they are to know the law, know the punishment for breaking the law, then be secure in the law fulfiller. May preaching be dispensed with 90% law and 10% grace, so that people may be first terrified of their disease and recklessly seize the cure without argument.

"Blinded men are ever prone to imagine that they have religious feelings because they have sensuous animal feelings in accidental juxtaposition with religious places, words or sights. This is the pernicious mistake which has sealed up millions of self-deceived souls for hell." - W. Robert Godfrey

"No Christ in your sermon, sir? Then go home, and never preach again until you have something worth preaching.
...
And I mean by Christ not merely his example and the ethical precepts of his teaching, but his atoning blood, his wondrous satisfaction made for human sin, and the grand doctrine of ‘believe and live.’" - C.H. Spurgeon

"Terror accomplishes no real obedience. Suspense brings forth no fruit unto holiness. No gloomy uncertainty as to God’s favour can subdue one lust, or correct our crookedness of will. But the free pardon of the cross uproots sin, and withers all its branches. Only the certainty of love, forgiving love, can do this." - Horatius Bonar

For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! (1 Corinthians 9:16)

What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice. (Philippians 1:18)

Guys, do not seek an experience but seek Christ.

2 Peter 3:18, Titus 3:4-8

God fills up tents...

I don't think I cried as much as I did this past service. or these past couple weeks.

Today's sermon - Exodus 40, God filling the tabernacle to be with His people and how Jesus is now our tabernacle. I can really relate to Spurgeon when he once cried out for God to CHILL OUT in making His presence known to him because he was going to die of joy. The God whose heart it is to recklessly be with his people through their sin and disobedience - this is true love! I cried during this description, knowing this is the type of love that will eventually mark a Christ-indwelling body.

John 1:14, Revelation 21:1-4

I am now an interpreter!!

With my sister still new to the community (of Christ, dundundun) she's been asking questions on what preachers actually talk about, since it's filled with this weird Biblical jargon sometimes. Subsequently, I have reflected hard on my own evident change in diction since going through the past 2 years of college ministry. In doing so, I would like to say I've become a proficient interpreter/translator between Christian ⇌ secular-speak.

I present an authoritative list for reference. Users will find it extremely helpful when needing to communicate churchy thoughts without fear of misunderstanding. Situations to use these words run the gamut from sermons to everyday speech. Examples of usage are also provided to illustrate tone that the phrases carry for each group. Phrases marked with (*) carry supplemental enrichment for more advanced users.

...............
the body ⇌ churchgoers, near-apostates, Jesus folk
Usage: We, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.
⇌
One such group of needy people are churchgoers.

...............
spiritual gift ⇌ random talent
Usage: "My spiritual gift is prophetic visions." "Snap, mine is healing."
⇌
"My random talent is knowing when my roommate will wake up." "Oh, I can wrap a tourniquet because I've been watching TLC since I was a kid."

...............
blessed ⇌ happy
Usage: She said yes! I'm so blessed!
By God's grace*, it was such a blessing to hear your testimony.
⇌
She said yes! I'm so happy!
We were really lucky* to hear your story; it made us happy.

...............
God's redemptive plan ⇌ time
Usage: Soon, all things* will be revealed** in God's redemptive plan.
⇌
At some later point in time, we'll figure out** this sh--*.

...............
gosh ⇌ god
Usage: Gosh darn.
Oh my gosh, he literally* never listens to me.
⇌
Godamit.
Oh my god, he f---ing* never listens to me.

...............
and this one's a monster!!
Holy Spirit ⇌ energy, feelings
Usage: I'm so tired, I need the Holy Spirit to fill me.
I am being convicted by the Holy Spirit to help them.
Father, may your Holy Spirit enable me to reach out to them in Christ love*.
⇌
I'm so tired, I need energy.
I feel like helping them.
I want to talk* to them.

...............
Am I missing any!?

1 Corinthians 14:13

Words: their use and abuse

Don't tell people that they're using up your weekday minutes or that they talk too loud. Two not-so-quick lessons from yesterday. It's one thing to be blunt like Jesus and another to be blunt like an immature brat.

Words are so crucial:
Genesis 1:3
Habakkuk 2:2
Mark 13:31
John 1:1.


James 1:19, Proverbs 15:1

Well, it depends

It's times like these, when my suffering is no more and mercy is all I see, that I regret not drawing to you, God. So much regret. During the suffering, I ran away more than I ran to you. You were a nonentity and my only thought of you was that you were some screwed up concoction I made in my mind so I wouldn't be lonely. Ain't it the truth. I'm so abysmally lonely. My eagerness to seek you depends so much on my mood and the time of day and which way the wind is blowing.

Seeing my wretchedness before I knew you, and my continuing rebellion against you, I get so sick in the stomach I want to throw up. Since you're the staple of all holiness, how much more pissed and upset you must be at me.

Praise your son, God. Praise him for everything. I don't care what Albert says. God, you are so good. You're the only good thing in my life. I love you so much.

Looking back

A new skill I've been developing is the ability to look into my rear-view mirror and quickly memorize the license plate of the car behind me. It takes 2 levels of thinking since the lettering is mirrored but that's the fun in it. I also suggest everyone follow suit since, with all these freak rainstorms, I'm beginning to become suspicious of cars slipping into my bumper and I'll always assume these are the hit-and-run type of people.

In addition, I think putting a rear-view mirror question, or any spacial-logic question, on the learner's permit exam would be valid, or at least fun! It could have an animation of a car swerving in and out of the reflection, so the difficulty would be moderate.

Thoughts?

Prayer request

Could you guys pray that the dialog between me and my parents does not only glorify Him in mere presence but also in effectual change. May the recent discussions we've been having stir the ridiculously dusty and hardened hearts of these refugees of the Cultural Revolution, who are skeptical of ideology when they themselves unknowingly testify so strongly that man and his ways cannot be trusted. May His sovereignty be declared to all.

Could you guys pray that my sister will seek the Creator of heaven and earth, to have her creeping opened eyes be blown wide open to His power, grace, and majesty. God put me in a place last night to share the Gospel with her and now she has expressed interest in attending service. May I be a willing servant to her, a child of God, in these times.

For the first time, I had an answer for the persecutors. I was given the Heart of compassion and sorrow for a people so rebellious, to see things in His eyes. As a friend told me, if you need conviction of your faith, nothing is quite like proclaiming it before the lost. God is working, let's all be a part of it wherever you're reading this!

2 Timothy 4:2, John 16:2, Luke 21:14

What tools do carpenters use?

So I really like the word tool. I especially like it when it's used for the direct purpose of calling someone out on being a tool. Exquisite. Blessed is the man who is anti-establishment, asexual in orientation, and freelance in thought and motive.

That same man would call Willis a tool, or at he's least becoming one. What?? Willis is no tool, my dear readers would argue.

In the beginning of my faith, it was easy to start passing judgment on fellow churchgoers.
You seriously never cuss? Tool.
You donate to a missions team that can't even speak the native tongue of its audience? Tool.
You tithe your allowance? Tool.
You use the Bible to encourage someone like it'll make them feel better? Tool.
You have lunch dates with the youth pastor? Tooltooltool.

And so like 3 years later, this same person is dragging out high school friends to apologetics discussions, defending the tacky piece of antiquity called the Bible to his famuree, and praying at public localities. If only I'd known sooner that what I saw as being a tool was actually being filled with the Holy Spirit! Being sold out to God is about as toolish as you get, as weak as you get. And what would be pathetic to the world is honestly the best course of action (2 Corinthians 12:9).

So how thankful I am to be surrounded by other tools (for God). Tools I can confess my sins to and receive encouragement from (always in Biblical contexts). If I were Mulan singing that Christina Aguilera song, I'd want my reflection to show a shiny wrench in the hands of God. Or pliers.

EDIT: I realized also that I started going to church because the girl I liked was going, so...............I don't even know.

Saturday Night Light

Before their eyes, they fear You not, because they know You not. Satan has given them crafty lies. Lies that say there is no battle for their hearts, that there is no room for 91.9Shine FM on the radio presets.

Help convict me that their ways are death. To tell them their ways are death. Why am I so afraid of man? Why am I so offended by man? Why do I try so hard to impersonate man? When you give my earthly abba a tone of bitterness and wrath after work, how is it I still reply with double the malice? When his wife warns my charity to church will lead me astray, that I obey and continue storing treasures on earth? When their daughter is insecure on the path leading to man's approval, that I don't pass on some Good News?

In the house of thy enemy, my defense is so woefully at its lowest! I sing and proclaim you have delivered me from death, my feet from stumbling, but it's all a sick prank on You if I accuse you of giving me a spirit of fear. At 11PM in rural Howard County, how decisive would a beam of car headlights be to light the wanderer's way?

Psalms 56:13

Copernican principle

After talking to Sarah Ryu, I wanted to get perspective on what exactly RESULTS in me working at my summer job.
This is a schematic of our company's organizational chart, and you can see how far the window extends (note: I couldn't print screen this because the company disabled the button, but I got around it HA!!). My relative standing is one of the low boxes. In summary:
Shown head count: 3541

Planned: 3986

So my contribution? In a typical work week, I clock about 30 hours of experiments. This data results in about 2.8 scientifically-sound graphs per week that I present at a 3 hour meeting. Every 3 weeks, one of these graphs will interest my superior's associates and will call for additional qualification experiments.

These summer-long experiments give scientists an empirical basis for adding a line of advice in a 20-page development SOP for a specific product. This SOP is used to qualify a purification step process, of which there are 7 downstream processes. Purification process may or may not result in product making the cut from phase III to regulatory submission. There are typically 6 phases for pre-clinical development. Finally, there are 130+ products in the company pipeline.

Squirrel!

Genesis 3:19

Scary dream

I enter a hotel room, regal white curtains pulling Marylin Monroe skirt phase action over a breathtaking view of jungle canopies. I'm pretty tired so I head towards the bed. Pulling up the covers, I'm surprised to find a serpent-eyed man with a pale complexion lying there staring straight back. He says, "Hi, I'm Jesus the Messiah." Apparently, I'm too tired to pay him any heed so I slip under and close my eyes.

Then the guy starts tickling me and in my head I go, "Aw hell no." I try to jab my heel into his gut, but before I know it he's on top of me, pinning my arms on both sides. I flash kick up his chin and dart down to the main lobby. He's beaten me there, blocking the revolving door!

I call for my friend, "Pontius Pilate!" A Chinese who looks like Roy Mustang from Full Metal Alchemist appears to my side, and at the snap of his fingers, lights Jesus on fire to char beyond recognition.

This is proof I need a Savior.

Bible smuggling

Sigi and I by Gwen Shaw was given to me by my freshman year roommate, Peter Young, as a gift for my baptism. Hoho. Set in the Cold War, it's the true story of an American (Shaw) and German (Sigi) woman bringing the Word over the Berlin wall into Commmunist East Germany, Czechoslovakia, Rumania, and Yugoslavia.

As one could imagine, the faith required to step up to this calling had to have been XXL. All the actions, thoughts, and plain luck the protagonists' attribute to the work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit gave them the power to face checkpoint stops, blinded the eyes of officers to their Bible luggage, timed their arrivals and departures perfectly, directed them in dark streets with signs they couldn't read and evangelized people who couldn't understand but did. The book must be renamed 1001 Close Calls by T.H.S.

What I found remarkable was the familiarity of the practices that these cooky Europeans also did. They had prayer meetings, worshiped to familiar hymns, and, I swear, gave out the same-titled tracts!! But behind the Iron Curtain, these activities seemed out of necessity: these Christians literally declared themselves Christians, and as a result, were denied access from sports, politics, educational programs and institutes. Here, to be Christian was to forfeit the world...so could I have done that? hmmm.

I love You, Lord, though bitterly I'm weeping
In valley deep, where nothing I can see.
I know You know and love the one who is Yours, Lord,
And to Your Heart my weary soul doth flee.

Apologetics is overrated

After reading a bunch of atheist literature recently, I was relieved to pick up The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. Not relieved in the sense of having my faith buttressed ... but stylistic-burgeoning relief. Atheistic stuff can seem so ill-willed and hostile, and fortunately Strobel wrote something tame (but not bland!)

The book is great in two ways. One, it reads like a coherent investigative narrative with no sources given easy passes. Two, it's the testimony of Strobel's journey from keen, Yale Law graduated skeptic to believer. I guess it was meant to be read cooperatively since there are group discussions questions at the end of each section. Topics covered:
[] reason to believe authentic authorship of the gospels (did you know Paul's Jewish contemporaries wrote that Jesus was a sorcerer? Jesus vs. Dumbledore = epic)
[] "the canon is a list of authoritative books rather than an authoritative list of books"
[] disregarding the gospels, Jesus is still the most well-documented creator of a religion in secular history (competition: Buddha and Muhammad)
[] hearkening to 48 Messianic prophecies in the Old Testament, the chance for someone random to fulfill them is on the scale of the number of atoms in a trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, billion same-sized universes as this one

I read this book with caution. I usually get really excited when studying apologetics, but Jesus says "You believe because you see; blessed are those who have not seen yet believe." However, I now feel so equipped in defending the Scriptures, yet I know atheists will more likely argue on moral/emotional lines. It's coo'.

Unsolved Crimes and Gospel in Asia

Great Unsolved Crimes by Louis Solomon is a collection of six crimes, none of which involve drugs (read: white people-on-white people crimes). These took place before 1976, so there are black and white sketches and drawings as exhibits. And for the most part, they are boring save the first one. Summary:
= hijacking then badass freefall out of a plane
= reputable banker bound and murdered in own home
= 10 stolen paintings from New York museum
= America's first kidnapping (I guess for ransom)
= disappearance of neanderthal bones in China
= warmhearted daughter suspected murderer of parents

Revolution in World Missions by Dr. K.P. Yohannan was given to me for free as a subscriber to John Piper's blog. Secular take-away message: it's more practical and ridiculously cheaper to use natives as missionaries than Westerners. The book recalls to mind Jaeson Ma's speculation of how God will use East Asians to reach out to the Middle East (my honest opinion is that brown people will speak better to brown people). Funny how things connect. TIME recently wrote on the lack of religious freedom in the Islamic states of Iran, Saudi Arabia, and Egypt among others. Reasons for hostility against Christian practitioners vary, but Western churches make it hard to sympathize for the Great Commission.

I found myself agreeing with many of Yohannan's points on the worldliness and spiritual darkness present among American churches. A lot of business, not a lot of potential-filling. Constructing churches here can easily cost in the millions, and millions more for sustaining programs, where for the same price decent churches all over the Indian subcontinent could be built so that all may hear the Gospel.

One thing I came to understand after reading: humility is the place where all Christian service begins. It's a word that describes the persecuted missionary that serves time in a dirt cell as big as my cat's litter box (oh, but is miraculously sustained by the Word of which he has long since memorized). It's a word neglected by foolish Western outreach projects that use Western means to reach to the lost while perpetuating longtime associations of Christianity with British colonialism (let the Holy Spirit do what it wills). It's a word that commands loving those in your village and city, to consider serving and discipling them as your burden (Jesus says "as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you").

Among the book's testimonies was one from a woman who lived in Towson. I pretty much grew up there for elementary school.

John Steinbeck and The Chinese Grammarian

I had once bought The Portable Steinbeck anthology for my "Of Mice and Men" paper in Ms. Rizzo's class and never once looked at the other stories. Within, I have annotated stickies that read "Lennie...you're retarded." haha so true.

Last night, I read "The Red Pony." First thing is that Steinbeck is a really good author. In enlightened prose (ref. editor's intro) "his poetic rhythms recall to me the Homeric spirit in American literature." I gauge his goodness by way of how he makes me feel. For example, a lot of authors make me feel illiterate and retarded. I'll be reading and everyone seems chill until the farmer's wife kills herself. Oh, she was depressed? Steinbeck makes it very clear what the characters are feeling by their realistic dialogue without being blatant, giving me the sense of feeling intelligent and sensitive to subtle things.

However, on the subject of animals, these past couple days have been very sad. Last night I saw gruesome photos of a dog hacked at the face on the local news (nevermind the constant kindergarten slashings in China). In the first chapter, 10 year-old Jody cares very much for his pony gift, only to have the ranch hand carelessly leave it out in the rain, subject it to strangles, slowly waste away, then getting its eyes eaten by buzzards (btw, the pony dies). Really not a happy story: boy eviscerates many small animals, ranch head kills mother horse to birth promised colt, and father and mother argue about inlaws. At the same time, there's appeal in the childish themes of curiosity of the outside world ("beyond the mountain ridges") and cross-generational relations ("He looked over his shoulder to see whether Billy had noticed the mature profanity"). Finally, the anthology concludes with Steinbeck's Nobel acceptance speech: "Literature was not promulgated by a pale and emasculated critical priesthood singing their litanies in empty churches - nor is it a game for the cloistered elect, the tin-horn mendicants of low-calorie despair." Worrrddd...?

Next! I found a small pocketbook 高中英语词汇手册 wedged between some dictionaries. My dad used it in high school to learn English and now I'm ironically trying to pick up some Chinese from it. The range of difficulty is really dynamic, where on the same page you have
tend [tend] (3) vt. 他照料了病人。
test-tube ['testt ju:b] (12) n. 小心别把试管打碎了。
and
tearful [tîr'fəl] (14) adj. 她眼泪汪汪地看着我，好象乞求我的怜悯。
the Bastille [ba-steel] (3) 巴士底狱是巴黎的国家监狱, (1789年)在法国大革命中被摧毁。

I can't believe I was still at Penn <48 hours ago.

Take a look, it's in a book, a reading rainbow

Familiarity, familiarity. Before I hit the sack last night at 11:50PM, I saw my sister making quicker headway.

"Wow! You are sleeping so early!"

"Wow! I'm taking a quick nap. Chill."

She is going to fit in college just fine. As I'm currently typing this, she is BS-ing Huckleberry thematic devices on the AP Lang. lolgg.

The body of sophomore year slightly remains in its vestiges a la uncut, umbrella hair which I plan to get cut by Viets later today. Recent development: I shower before sleeping versus after waking, for I now care about the smell of my immediate habitat (sorry, Steven). Looking into the long-term (next three weeks until I start work), I draw a big blank. It's hard to pick up an instrument, learn a language, or beat FFXIII in that time. My employer said it was "the perfect time to take a vacation."

Well sanks, I thought I was gonna work today but HR didn't file the doodads timely. And so, I've decided to take a sojourn into reading. In my study, the shelves are dominated by SAT&AP prep books that I only perused. The other 10% are actually books, narratives, and other noncareer-enhancing collectives. I'll try to get through these quickly, one every couple days, then update the blog with my take-away messages. Every summer I tell myself I'm going to pick up reading and literally fail. Now I can say I've done it once.

Also, I might go to Atlanta with pops Aug.24-27th for his conference, so Christine Li should tell me what she's up to at that time.

Holy cleaning is dirty..

YO, it's pretty lame when cats take out your dried laundry, you forget to pick it up, and lo'! There's an impressive mound of severely crippled clothing dried and Lays-ruffled to perfection. So what I end up doing is folding people's laundry after I put my load into the dryer. I know perfectly well the rage from seeing jumbled clothing, and the fact that I know Christ makes me wonder how others would respond sans special revelation. Anyways, today was an otherwise ordinary stack.

sweatpants, Penn traditions 2012, Barack the Vote 2008, Greek weekend 2008, see-through panties, Greek weekend 2009, Greek weekend 2010, Fling in Wonderland, Das Sober, guy socks, pink pantie-whoa!!!!

Exhibit A. Stain-streaked panties

It's so brown. and heavy. my insides were heaving from simultaneous mirth via hilarity & disgust via nausea. So clearly the sight is before me! but my job continues and eventually everything gets stacked.

How clear our sin is before God. How shambled our lives appear, but with careful hands they are received and remade. How gracious is His....grace, to have Christians work through Christians, atheists through atheists. and like Penn laundry, it's free!

The only form of grace I can possibly dispense right now is keeping the identity of clothing-owner anonymous. Seldom do I sell-out... besides saying she's a Phi sigma sigma living on 24th floor Rodin, I have done no such thing. Her transgressions are safe with me :]]

Genesis 38:27-30

The MIA Roommate: Peter Young

Scrawled on our unhinged blackboard, consistent with the dorm's à la mode medium of communication second only to endearing (passive-) aggressive post-its, are the last biddings of Mr. Young. Branded so are his words that they have remained on the board for half a semester now. On long, heavy-headed nights of lab writing, the worn engineer can look up and smile knowing the words are mere ideographs to the heterosexual bystander. The words read:

"無苦集滅道

無智亦無得"

"Keep each other safe and not straight! Take care of Ben for me, a child without his father ends up more feminine :/"

"remember the plan

A: Steven Chen mass sticky notes Room

B: Willis Zhang parades Red shorts

-->C: Benjamin Shyong<--

Peter Young =)"

So gay.

Tutorial: Elements of detail in bboying

can this really post on my blog? Google must control everything..

"Stop crying. Are you a girl?"

(Omgosh, crazy Asian mother LOL!! I remember when this first came out, I watched it religiously everyday. Same effect for a good week. My mother still doesn't get the jokes ... never lookah laik hehpee feisss!)

In the past four days, I've literally cried like 5 times. And practically made someone else cry too. Actually, that event in itself accounts for the first of the cryings.

Crying is defined as "a complex secretomotorphenomenon characterized by the shedding of tears from the lacrimal apparatus, without any irritation of the ocular structures (Compr. Psych. 34 1993)." Uhhhh, I agree with the complex part! I'm starting to see myself well up with tears during heightened spiritual awareness ... but historically that only happens when I'm pretty stressed out -- and I think I'm cruising just fine at the moment. It's just so strange that I've been feeling continually floored by glorious adoration ... bah, praise Him for these lapses in my cool-as-a-cucumber nature 8`D

Under Wikipedia, "Crying" is listed under the category "Psychological manipulation," accompanied with "Silent treatment" and "Swearing." That's kind of harsh. Who has seriously used crying as a means to control others? (If you've done that and you're like older than 14, I dislike you with extreme prejudice).

It also says, on average, men cry at least once a month and women cry at least 5 times a month (before/during menstruation account for most incidences). First of all ... who are these men LOLOL?? The only explanation for that statistic is if the survey was conducted in Taiwan. Or a comparable location where men lack stable emotional needs. Like Rodin 2315. Fact. And it's now officially known that my sister undergoes a period everyday. She does those genuinely frustrated gurglings: "This -huffpuff- expletive -sniffsniff- essay/trombone piece/cell phone -huffpuff- needs to -huffpuff- expletive -sniffsniff- itself..."

Sigh.

Well, it always feels better after a secretomotorphenomenon, especially with a human handkerchief by your side.

x'D


Psalms 130:1-3

3 broken women

A panhandler with drool-drenched clothes spat at me and cussed me out in the subway.

A mother rammed her son's head into a street pole for not filling up the parking meter.

Girlfriend's sick.

It's just one of those Mondays.

Don't "Try Jesus"

From a sermon by Ray Comfort:

Two men are seated in a plane. The first is given a parachute and told to put it on as it would improve his flight. He’s a little skeptical at first because he can’t see how wearing a parachute in a plane could possibly improve the flight. After a time he decides to experiment and see if the claim is true. As he puts it on he notices the weight of it upon his shoulders and he finds that he has difficulty in sitting upright. However, he consoles himself with the fact that he was told the parachute would improve the flight. So, he decides to give the thing a little time. As he waits he notices that some of the other passengers are laughing at him, because he’s wearing a parachute in a plane. He begins to feel somewhat humiliated. As they begin to point and laugh at him and he can stand it no longer, he slinks in his seat, unstraps the parachute, and throws it to the floor. Disillusionment and bitterness fill his heart, because, as far as he was concerned, he was told an outright lie.

The second man is given a parachute, but listens to what he’s told. He’s told to put it on because at any moment he’d be jumping 25,000 feet out of the plane. He gratefully puts the parachute on; he doesn’t notice the weight of it upon his shoulders, nor that he can’t sit upright.

The second man is struck by the truth and knowledge of death without the parachute. Outside jeering falls short of the peace, security, and joy in certain salvation that fills his heart. Surely he is grateful to the giver of that parachute. The first man just wanted the parachute solely to improve his flight, but ends up humiliated. Chances are, he wouldn't dare put that parachute back on to save any face he has left.

When leading others to Christ, don't falsely promise a great life. To do so is to sow seeds on the rocky places where there will be no root (Mark 4:16-17). Matthew 16:24 paraphrased is, "In the world's eyes, you gon' die if you follow Jesus. Prepare to get put up on a cross every second of your life." A life in Christ is most joyful, but trial is certain. Suffering is imminent.

It's a delicate thing, sharing the "Beloved child, God wants to hug you" Gospel vs. "Wretched sinner, God wants to save you from deserved wrath" Gospel. Both are vital. Yet I encourage those in the faith to not talk like a theologian when sharing to the lost, but use personal narrative to relate these truths. Don't testify about how bad life was before Christ and how your life is baller now (yeah, no); testify on how you're still short of His glory. how you don't deserve saving and repentance. how you're as wicked as the child pornographer and family-abandoning father.

and how you love your Jesus.

Oh baby.

So like when parents have their newborn son (isn't it true you never hear people say "newborn daughter?"), through underslept eye slits and hoarse vocal folds they'll tell you, "I can't take my eyes off him!!" A literally overused phrase that I will refuse to characterize my offspring care. I mean, they look like aliens, sure. Except it's not clear whether God has made room for aliens to exist in the heavenly realms.

Anyways, during my interview for church membership, Pastor Wanho brought up how God is constantly watchful. "For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His (2 Chron. 16:9)." A human father's obsession with his child, multiply it by 144000, and you come closer -- not really -- to an unexplainable security worth rejoicing and worshiping.

Don't trust in your prayer, your (little) faith, your baptism, sacraments, good works, or your own repentance.

In everything, trust Christ alone.

Remember that Bill Cosby show...?

7 year old kids say the darndest things.

Playing soccer:
"Imma burn you."
How do kids come up with burn/smoke/serve threats?? 7 year old Willis would have mistook you for a carpet-burner, or worse yet, Indian-sunburner.

Talking about pets:
"I once took dis cat and bwoke its neck. Frew it by the tail against the wall."
O_________o!!!!

On athleticism:

"And then I tried squeezing my hair together in a mohawk then tie my laces to my legs then pick up my Stone Cold Steve Austin action figure then (inches in and whispers) I jump so high."

On art:
"Whenever I see black and white, I just feel like coloring it in.

No wait.

Not on walls. "

Asking about guardians:
"My parents ask Angeline to come in. Angeline is my babysinner."
That was just a funny one.

And for some reason, black kids everywhere I go like using the phrase:
"Imma take you out and bring you back real fast in slow motion."
SUCH A DOPE LINE.

West Philly, Baltimore, or brats from Chinese school, you'll never really understand kids (at least until the two missing front teeth grow back in).

32 - 4 = 28 teeth left

Things we take for granted:

- inpalpable oxygen intake
- normal, non-icepak temperatures
- voluntary fasting
- LOL
- shushing trombone-playing sister
- comprehensible speech
- not having p-orbitals for cheeks
- drinking bloodless beverages

笨蛋 vs. ばか

In Ben Shyong fashion, contemplate this.

Sino-Japanese relations, as of late, have thankfully only been ruffled by intense soccer matchups and subsequent import product boycotts after defeats. But I would like to exasperate things. Japanese certainly have the Chinese beat with international PR.





For us Chinese, quite "はずい."